[Mrs. M, my English teacher, was reviewing the first bit of Hamlet out loud with us.]

Mrs M: Horatio has just seen the ghost. Who is he going to tell?
Student: Ghostbusters!

Monica: How tall are you?
Ron: Umm.. Eight.
Monica: Eight what?
Ron: Units.
Monica: Of what?
Ron: ..Measurement.
Monica: Um, okay.. so how big is one unit?
Ron: Umm.. About one eighth of my height.
Monica: I hate you.

Who:	ron,  monizzle (more info…)

Johnny: oh man i want a hellboy figure
Adam: I'd rather have a supermodel figure
Adam: so i can fit into some nice swimwear

Who:	adamg,  pnkfloyd87 (more info…)

[Phone call with "Mario's Men's Hair Salon". Barber answering has a thick Italian accent]

Barber: Mario's.
Adam: Yeah, hi, i was wondering if you give free cuts for locks of love donators?
Barber: Free haircut?
Adam: Yeah
Barber: No, why I give-a free cut? You crazy?
Adam: No no, for locks of love
Barber: For what?
Adam: The thing for the kids with cancer. They make wigs for them.
Barber: I no-a care if you have-a the cancer. You still have to pay for cut.

Who:	adamg, Barber (more info…)

Adam: How are you doing?
Felisia: im good
Felisia: in the studios workin
Adam: is that code for "having sex with a girl"?
Felisia: no
Adam: ...is THAT code for "yes and we're scissoring"?
Felisia: no
Adam: you DOG you

Who:	adamg,  lisiT (more info…)

Ilan: Traveling time is pretty easy. But I can only go in one direction and only at one speed, about 1 minute per minute.

Who:	ilan (more info…)

Corinna: "Can I get a Latin Lover, Sex On The Beach... oh, and something to drink please!"

Who:	carina,  darlita (more info…)

Mat:"My heroes are the makers of "plan b" the over the counter morning-after pill. I like the name but I still think "OH SHIT!" would have been a little more fitting"

[Backstory; Chance is a coworker who we tease for being short.]

*Mackey walks into the men's room. See's Chance at one of the two urinals. Uses the other available urinal that is of handicapped height.
Mackey unzips and looks down*

Mackey: "Damnit why did I get stuck with the Chance sized one?!?"
Chance: "...DUDE? WHAT? .....THE FUCK?"
Mackey: "URINAL! I MEANT THE URINAL!"

Who:	mmackey, Chance (more info…)

[Natej wants to eat bread with Nutella.]

Natej: "Shit, the Nutella jar is empty. Now, there's only marmalade left. And that's too healthy."
[He grabs an apple.]
Natej: "I guess I'll have to eat an apple then."
Ocog: "But apples are even healthier than marmalade."
Natej: "That's a point. Well,... I won't wash it then..."